Paladin’s Imaginary Musical Career in Rock Band

As a father, it’s built-in that I want my kids to enjoy the things I enjoy and avoid the things I dislike. But there’s a catch. What if I do like something but am so horribly inept that it borders on freakshow status? Well my friends, that’s where Rock Band comes in.

You see, I love music. LOVE it. If I could have been anything in this life it would been to trade places with Eddie Van Halen. I mean really, dude had it all. (Well, before the drug problem, the divorce, the breakup… you get the picture.)

Now back to the “inept” part. I bought a sweet, red Yamaha electric guitar when I was 16. When I tried to play it, it was as if some past dosage of nitrous oxide took control of my hands (more likely my ears and brain) and what came out was anything but musical. I tried and tried but to no avail. Simply stated, I sucked.

(This is all the more troubling that my friend Todd was so incredibly gifted that he picked up the piano in about a month. I’m not even exaggerating.)

So when I was able to play Guitar Hero a couple years back at our friends house, it was all I could do to restrain myself from ordering the game from Amazon on my Blackberry on the drive home. I was hooked like a wide-mouth bass.

Now, I’m not good like my son Ben—he’s a phenom—but I can hold my own. So the purpose of this post is for me to keep track of what I’ve conquered thus far in my music (non-musical) career.

“Oh no, don’t pity me babe
I know I’m alright
O yeah, I’m alright.” -Neil Young

Click the “Read More” link for all the stats.

Guitar Hero 1

Beat all songs including Bonus Tracks. Yay me!
(“Cowboys from Hell” was tougher than the finale, “Bark at the Moon.”)

Guitar Hero 2

Beat all songs including Bonus Tracks except for “Jordan” and “Six.”
(Freebird was tough but I finally got it.)

Guitar Hero Encore: Rock the 80s

Beat all songs except for finale “Play With Me.” There are no Bonus Tracks with this game.
(Just have too much trouble with long solos.)

Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock

Beat all songs in the Solo Tier except “Raining Blood” and the finale battle against Big Boss Lou on “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.” Beat most of the Bonus Tracks except “Through the Fire and Flames” and maybe another one.
(This was the last PS2 game we bought and the controller is now jacked due to Barret pretending to be the guitarist from All American Rejects.)

Guitar Hero: World Tour

Beat all songs except “Hot For Teacher” but will keep trying. Have not purchased DLC for this game, only Rock Band.
(Mr. Crowley was kinda tough. A couple songs I really hate like the System of a Down song, “B.Y.O.B.”)

Rock Band

Beat all songs! Yip! Yip! Too much DLC to mention here but I think everything I’ve downloaded is easy enough for me to beat.
(“Flirtin’ with Disaster” was the toughest song but I finally beat it.)

Rock Band 2

There a bunch of songs I haven’t beaten yet. Zowie! Here are the ones I can’t beat:

• Tenacious D – “Master Exploder”
• Allman Brothers – “Ramblin’ Man”
• Anarchy Club – “Get Clean”
• Mastodon – “Colony of Birchmen”
• Megadeth – “Peace Sells”
• Testament – “Souls of Black”
• Steely Day – “Bodhisattva”
• Metallica – “Battery”
• Dream Theater – “Panic Attack”
• Abnormality – “Visions”
• Judas Priest – “Painkiller”

Tons of DLC but I’ve beaten all of them.
(Looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me. I’m also working my way through Drums as well. Just not on Hard, not Expert so I have a long way to go.)

Have not purchased: Guitar Hero: Aerosmith or Guitar Hero: Metallica