Last Comic Standing: Week 1

Before I begin, let me join with all American’s in saying, “I’m overjoyed that Ant isn’t here this year.” Ok, let’s proceed. (Whatever do you, don’t click this link.)

Now, after watching both the preliminary shows, the judges sucked the proverbially egg on selecting this house, or boat, or whatever it is they’re sleeping on. There were some incredibly funny comics that got passed over in favor of lesser talent. In some cases, lesser by the degree of infinity.

Here’s how I rank the comics coming into Week 1.

12th The only way Roz would be funny would be if you wrapped her up in tin foil, covered the whole thing in peanut butter and then rolled it down a sand dune. Even then I’m wondering if I’d laugh. Here’s hoping she grows on you. (Or leaves quickly.)

11th Stella was so bad, I thought she might have a relative working at NBC who gave the producers “favors” to keep her on the show. My 4-month-old is far more entertaining and all he does is lay on the ground spitting and grabbing for the Triangle Man.

10th April wasn’t too awful, but she wasn’t good either. Just like putting together the Survivor lineup, I’m guessing producers felt like they needed some eye-candy to round out the cast.

9th I know it looks like I’m picking on the women, but Michele didn’t even think she belonged on the show. That should tell you something.

8th There were so many cats funnier than Ty. Many of whom work at Best Buy but that’s another story. Sure they needed a black guy or three, but he wasn’t even the best brother in his group. What am I missing here? They should have picked this guy.

7th Being completely honest here, her short routine had be howling. But I’m thinking it may be that once I get over here GoofyMax2000 routine, I’ll be completely annoyed. Just a hunch.

6th Josh only barely squeeked past Rebecca for 6th, but that’s just because I like his attitude. His style of self-depricating humor is likely to get old, and quick.

5th Kristin is my favorite female on the show, but that’s not saying much. I think last year’s cast was far better. How about letting America pick the contestants? Scratch that, they thought Roz won that heckling bit.

4th Now we’re into the Final Four, so they should be pretty great, right? Hopefully, I’m dead wrong about these guys and it’ll be a fun season, but I don’t have my hopes up. Gabriel is kinda funny, but he’s no George Lopez.

3rd Didn’t get to see much of Chris’ routine, so maybe I’m over-rating him, but I think he’s got a good chance to win this thing.

2nd Joey had a solid set and I like the fact that he’s missing part of his left ear. Something about that is naturally funny.

1st Please remember. These rankings are like Pre-Season stuff, which are hardly ever right. But if I had to bet on one person, I’d pick Bil. He spells his name funny. He’s been around for a while, honing his skills announcing Battle Bots. And perhaps most importantly, he knows Ben Stein. Go get ‘em Bil!

Week 1 Results

So Stella and April got bounced. Fair enough. Michele could have gone too but that joke about the drunk airline pilot peeing out the window was enough to help her garner 83% of the vote. I’m guessing Stella was somewhere in the 1% range. During her set, it was so quiet even the crickets could hear crickets.

Only reason Roz didn’t get shipped home was because she had immunity. Stupid Americans. ;^)

Bellagio Fountains on Coke

I’m sure many of you have already witnessed the greatness that is the Mentos/Diet Coke Fountain exhibit. For a little behind the scenes info, head over to c|net for their video interview with co-creator Stephen Voltz.

If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it could produce that much force. Kinda scary thinking that we eat and drink these ingredients. What’s next? Sour Gummy Bears in Buffalo Wing Sauce?

Dojo Info 6/20/06

1. Measuring Online Video Ads
   It’s always interesting to me to see how people are making money on the Internet give it’s free-flowing, ever-changing nature.
2. Celebrity Sports Fans Rankings
   I love lists. Rankings are even better. Plus I love sports. It doesn’t hurt that UK is #5 thanks to Ashley Judd.
3. Hoops & YoYo
   In case you don’t already know about these zany critters.
4. Where’s The Outrage Over The Beating Of David Parker’s Son?
   The media’s non-coverage speaks volumes about their biased approach to news. Pathetic.
5. What C. S. Lewis Sounded Like
   “One of his BBC talks and a few other recordings made available online.” For a big fan like myself, this is supa-cool. Trust me.

The Miami Ref Machine

Did you see last night’s game? Incredibly competitive. Miami was able to win their 3rd straight at home beating Dallas 101-100 in overtime. For me though, this fact stood out. Dwayne Wade shot more free throws, 25, than anyone else in NBA Finals history. Of course, this gets me thinking, and by thinking, I mean geeking out.

Here’s my theory. The home team gets way more calls than the visitors. The easiest way to analyze this is to look at free throw attempts. I know, I know, there are other factors, most notably is when a team trails late in the game and fouls on purpose to stop the clock, but I’ll let those slide for now since I don’t have every game archived on a Monster Daddy TiVo unit. (That begs the question, if I did… would I be down in the basement right now analyzing tape?)

Number Crunchers
In Round 1 there were 45 games. In 29f those games (64%) the Home Team did, in fact, shoot more free throws than their opponents. In 2 games they shot the same number and in the other 14 the Visitors actually went to the line more often. That sounds a bit unfair, but when you look at the shots themselves, the Home Team averaged 29.98 while the Visiting Team were awarded 25.27. That’s hardly a big margin.

Round 2 is even more fair going 27.81 to the Home Team with 27.85 to the Visitors. Round 3 mimics Round 1 with 26.33 to 21.83. These Finals are also holding suit with the Home Team getting about 6 more free throws than their competitors.

Psychology 101
I’m sure that if I could remember back to my Psych 101 course, I’d remember a term that describes this phenomenon where certain high impact events color a person’s perception of the larger pool of experiences. In our case, that would be:

Round 1
Lakers (31) – Suns (15) in Game 4
Pistons (34) – Bucks (10) in Game 1
Heat (39) – Bulls (17) in Game 1
Bulls (31) – Heat (5) in Game 4

Round 3
Mavs (36) – Suns (11) in Game 2
Heat (47) – Pistons (22) in Game 4

Finals
Heat (49) – Mavs (25) in Game 5

In each of these games the Home Team shot at least double the number of free throws as their competitors and in the case of Bulls/Heat, more than 6 times the number. That’s bloody insane, right? The conspiracy theorists among us might be able to come up with a theory behind this phenomenon but when you look at all the games together, it’s much tougher to find a culprit.

Conclusion
So what do I make of this? Maybe it’s just that refs are human and are likely to be swayed by large numbers of screaming fans, even while they claim it doesn’t effect them. But even still, they aren’t as swayed as I once thought. Hope this was interesting to you. If you’d like my geeked spreadsheet, just drop me a note and I’ll share my dementia with you.

Where Do You Go?

Where do you go when life turns tragic? When the unthinkable happens? When the nightmare turns out to be real?

I’ve always been disappointed by our human nature. When life is going well, we’re quick to pat ourselves on the back and take credit. When darkness creeps in we look for help from someone or something bigger than ourselves.

When Tony Dungy, coach of the Indianapolis Colts, learned that his 18-year-old son, James, had committed suicide, he knew where to turn. The same place he’d been turning his whole life. Take a few minutes to read this ESPN article on his life before and since. Then think about where you turn when the suffering begins.

Inspiring Creativity

Whoa, RealLife^TM is taking it’s toll on me. Sure, life in Cyrodiil is moving along swimmingly, but that’s another story.

What do you do if your work demands creativity and the well is empty? Inspiration.com isn’t going to give it to you. World of Inspiration is nicely done, but a different animal. Beliefnet has inspiration of another kind.

Media Inspiration is closer to the mark but where are the grand experiments? The true right brain theorists? I’d love to start a collection of links to sites that promote this kind of thinking. Who would like to start?

Polls are not Votes

Another great point from Tony Perkin’s group:

Be leery of public opinion polls on the issue of marriage. Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) has pointed out how very different the polls are from the actual votes. Here are some typical cases showing what the polls said about protecting marriage in various states prior to the votes and how the citizens of those states actually voted. Arkansas: 64.8% (75%); Georgia: 69% (76%); Kansas: 56% (79%); Kentucky: 71.6% (75%); Louisiana: 62% (78%); Michigan: 52% (59%); Montana: 61% (67%); Nevada: 43% (67%); North Dakota: 53% (73%); Ohio: 48% (62%); Oklahoma: 59% (76%); and Oregon: 50% (57%). Why such a big difference between pre-vote polls and the actual votes? It’s probably a combination of two major factors. Having been in politics for a while I’ve seen how polling questions can be constructed to obtain the desired outcome. The slanted poll questions no doubt account for some of the difference. Secondly, and probably more prominent, is the intimidation factor. Unscrupulous politicians like Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) rant that protecting marriage is “bigotry, pure and simple.” It’s no such thing, but Kennedy and company want to intimidate people. Some people are fearful of being labeled a homophobe or bigot so they keep their opinions to themselves until they are in the privacy of the voting booth and then on average over 70% defend marriage as the union of one man and one woman.

Why WorldCup Will Never Succeed in America

Question: Why won’t soccer ever succeed in America?
Answer: When you play two non-stop 45 minute periods and don’t score a single point, it can’t possibly compete with sports like football, baseball or especially when compared to the hyper-scoring of a sport like basketball.
Evidence: Czech Republic: 3 America: 0

Dojo Info 6/10/06

1. New Contact Lenses Give Athletes an Edge
   First steriods and now this?!? ;^)
2. Woman Returns Lockbox Containing $40,000
   Good for her! Now, what to do about the Brinks driver who left the box on the bumper…
3. How to Kick Silicon Valley’s Butt
   Given the natural barriers to entry due to SFs ginormous cost-of-living, it makes sense that places like Austin, Charlotte and others are gaining ground. Plus, isn’t the Internet everywhere? Geez. Great post by Kawasaki. [via More Than Derby]
4. Ratatouille
   Pixar’s next film, Summer ’07.
5. A Sixth Sense for a Wired World
   People are actually implanting magnets into their fingertips. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Now, lightbulbs… THAT would be cool!

Dojo Info 6/9/06

1. Electric sports car ready to challenge Porsche?
   Electric is the new black.
2. Making virtual worlds more lifelike
   The push for the past decade or so has been to add realism to the graphic nature of video games via enhanced graphics, which are more and more lifelike. Now attention is being given to the way characters move.
3. Browse the Web in Three Dimensions
   Kinda gimmicky at first glance, but who knows.
4. Cervical cancer drug approved
   From right here in Louisville, some scientists have received FDA approval for a drug that could potentially eliminate up 250,000 deaths each year. Awesome!
5. ‘Apprentice’ Has a Job and Fiancee
   Talk about a bonus, this Brit did well for himself.

’24′ To Big Screen

**News Flash**

’24′ To Big Screen

**We now resume our regularly scheduled blog content.**

Our Cowardly Representatives

Despite an significant majority of Americans supporting the traditional (eons old) definition of marriage, their representatives in the Senate choose to ignore that and pass the ultimate decision to the courts. Courts that have become more and more radical over the past 3 decades. (Just recently 81% of Alabama voters voiced their support for traditional marriage.)

I’ll now list the names of the cowards who wouldn’t even allow debate on the topic. That’s what every Senator who voted “Nay” or didn’t vote decided yesterday.

Akaka (D-HI), Nay
Baucus (D-MT), Nay
Bayh (D-IN), Nay
Biden (D-DE), Nay
Bingaman (D-NM), Nay
Boxer (D-CA), Nay
Cantwell (D-WA), Nay
Carper (D-DE), Nay
Chafee (R-RI), Nay
Clinton (D-NY), Nay
Collins (R-ME), Nay
Conrad (D-ND), Nay
Dayton (D-MN), Nay
Dodd (D-CT), Not Voting
Dorgan (D-ND), Nay
Durbin (D-IL), Nay
Feingold (D-WI), Nay
Feinstein (D-CA), Nay
Gregg (R-NH), Nay
Hagel (R-NE), Not Voting
Harkin (D-IA), Nay
Inouye (D-HI), Nay
Jeffords (I-VT), Nay
Johnson (D-SD), Nay
Kennedy (D-MA), Nay
Kerry (D-MA), Nay
Kohl (D-WI), Nay
Landrieu (D-LA), Nay
Lautenberg (D-NJ), Nay
Leahy (D-VT), Nay
Levin (D-MI), Nay
Lieberman (D-CT), Nay
Lincoln (D-AR), Nay
McCain (R-AZ), Nay
Menendez (D-NJ), Nay
Mikulski (D-MD), Nay
Murray (D-WA), Nay
Nelson (D-FL), Nay
Obama (D-IL), Nay
Pryor (D-AR), Nay
Reed (D-RI), Nay
Reid (D-NV), Nay
Rockefeller (D-WV), Not Voting
Salazar (D-CO), Nay
Sarbanes (D-MD), Nay
Schumer (D-NY), Nay
Snowe (R-ME), Nay
Specter (R-PA), Nay
Stabenow (D-MI), Nay
Sununu (R-NH), Nay
Wyden (D-OR), Nay

Look Out, Oblivion Steals Your Life

Again, I must apologize for my lack of significant posting. It comes at the hands of (you guessed it) a video game. Nothing promotes that “just one more quest” time-vacuum like a well-built RPG. This time, it’s Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. Like it’s predecessor Morrowind, it’s a tough habit to break.

You’d think someone out looking for a new contract would spend less time playing and more time job-hunting?

Toshiba’s Gigabeat S Takes on iPod

I don’t want to rehash all the specs, just go to c|net for that, but suffice it to say, the new Toshiba Gigabeat S is a worthy competitor to the iPod.

iPod fanatics feel free to chime in and tell me I’m wrong. I know you want to. C’mon… go for it. ;^)

At $300, I’m finally tempted to join to the portable digital music crowd because I won’t have to deal with iTunes. Here’s the video first look.

Easy Trash Brain, aka Summer TV Lineup

Here’s what’s currently on my TV mind.

• Last Comic Standing, Season 2 (June 6)
  Funny stuff, just gotta be careful around the kiddies.
• Big Brother All-Stars (June 21)
  Guilty pleasure, at least the last time. Could be this one repeatedly crosses the boundries of decency.
• NBA Draft (June 28)
  Tracking muh-boy Rondo. Could be as high as #7 to Boston or could (possibly) fall out of the first round.
• Rockstar: Supernova (no dates)
  Supernova? Who are they?!? Certainly no INXS so this one could achieve major suckage.
• Survivor 13: Cook Islands (fall)
  Sure it’s far off, but Survivor is the closest thing to sure-fire reality TV. Call me an addict, I don’t mind.
• Lost, Season 2 on DVD (Oct. 3)
  It’s a wait, but it’ll be worth it.
• 24, Season 5 on DVD (no dates)
  I’ve heard that this season rocks!